it was a busy day full of mommy cleaning and coaxing the newly 2 year old and her older brother who is 4 1/2 (note to self, he will be 5 in 3 short months) to join in on cleaning up around the house, making it seem unrealistically neat and tidy. really? shouldn't we have been playing in celebration all day long, wild and full of laughter? who was i kidding? any one who knows me, knows i am not this neat and tidy! but still, it just seemed it had to be done.
i had invited only family at first then realised it was the day after the 4th of july (the same big holiday it followed last year) and worried many people wouldn't be able to come. quickly i invited a few extra. thankfully tons of people came!
ya know how a labrador retriever gets all excited when new people come to visit? their whole bodies have a tendency to wiggle with every wag of their tail for 15-20 minutes of a new persons arrival. their delight is so evident in their every step they usually get banned outside or to a crate in a quite room until they can settle down.
that was me! all night! i was the crazy excited labrador retriever who couldn't settle down, only no one banned me to a crate in a quiet room to settle down - thankfully.
i'm sure i looked as crazy excited as i felt - but it didn't matter because my baby was suddenly 2 and where did the time go? could i recount each and every day the way i wished i could? did i spend them listening to her laugh and sing and teaching her to count and learn colors the way i did her older brother? or did i allow life to over whelm me at times and tell her 'mommy can't read just right now' or 'gracie-girl, your getting big, mommy can't hold you for as long anymore'? will she have a first memory of fun with the family or of mommy ripping her and a feisty (but loving) older brother apart and separating them until they could settle down? (maybe i should get a dog crate - lol! ) and really, is one memory any different then the other? (i guess only if it means the children will be sitting in a dog crate - lol!.)
this one life, two years lived and i am still momma in the birthing room with questioned look of shock "what just happened" after giving birth. i want to go back and slow down time and savour each and every moment. not just to do better in mothering but to do better in remembering the moments, staying in each moment, recording each moment. seeing and tasting that the Lord is so good, all the time, in all the many different moments.
i couldn't even sing the whole happy birthday song, coking a little as the hot lump in my throat got too big, watching my baby turn into a small girl. all too soon she will be off in the world and asking me not to call and bother her so often.
Lord, may i choose every day, in every moment to point her to You. may i seek You in all so that i can show her as much of You as i can. may i be the parent You need me to be so that she may grow to be the young lady she can be in You.
happy birthday gracie girl - i love you so much!!
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