Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Saturday, March 23, 2013
okay, now that i've shown you that side of my coin, could i just take a moment and flip it over to show you the other side? to just vent a little bit?
let me start by asking, "what the heck happened to my body?!?" i know - i know, i'm pregnant and these things happen yada-yada-yada...but seriously...? what the heck happened!?!
here's a quick run down on what has been going on for the last 29 weeks.
i have HG, otherwise known as Hyperemesis gravidarum. in other words - morning, noon and night sickness ( throwing up ) during pregnancy. it effects 1% of pregnant women, i fall into that 1%. however, this pregnancy hasn't been as hard as with mikey's and gracie's pregnancies - praise the Lord! so far i haven't been hospitalized for dehydration ( yaay!! ) and at about 27 weeks i've been able to keep most foods down =) being that sick for so long has led me to laying around on the couch or in bed for a great big part of this pregnancy.
generally speaking i love to be active! running, swimming, hiking, biking, if it's happening, i'm all in! my body has done some crazy things before but this? this is a new crazy, and i don't like it, not one bit.
thankful that my HG has calmed down a great deal i am now dealing with strange passing out and racing heart spurts. the passing out is kind of annoying because...well ... as it was described to me by my nurse: passing out is your body's way of going on auto pilot - you loose control of your body and the primal body takes over. think about that one for a moment...loose control of your body...this is not good if you have a full bladder and a baby laying on top of it...yup - you loose control of your bladder. as if passing out in front of anyone isn't bad enough, now imagine doing so and wetting yourself on top of that. yup - talk about humbling experiences...
i have had my heart checked by e.k.g. and a 24 hour heart monitor and nothing was found. i had blood taken and my thyroid checked and everything came up fine - thank you Lord! although i gotta say, i really was hoping for answers and a way to avoid this happening anymore.
the positive here is that i have warning signs i can pay attention to to keep from completely blacking out, or as i like to call it, whiting out. first i get hot - very quickly, out of the blue. second i start to sweat all over my face and back and eeew - gross! third, my vision starts to go white ( white out ) the more and more my vision gets foggy white, the closer i am to hitting the floor. since i have learned this about myself i've also learned that i can lay down - right away - on my left side to prevent my body from "switching to auto pilot" and therefore not pass out. however, i do look quite silly in the middle of anywhere i am laying, on the floor. yes. this even means the cracker isle of the local grocery food store - hahhaahh!! clean up in isle 12!
all this adds up to where i am today, and really, the answer to my question of "what the heck happened to my body." i have been either too sick to eat, too sick to get off the couch, or so happy to be able to keep food down that i am eating everything in sight. and/or off somewhere strange laying down on my left side - hahhaahh!! gaining weight in strange places!! yes i have a baby belly - i don't mind that. i don't even mind too much the strange shape my face and upper arms take on when i'm pregnant. can i just say though, lifting my legs to walk feels a little like lifting tree trunks with each step. i know, i know, it's all part of the process and really, i'm good for it! i know i'll get back into shape. i love to run and swim laps too much to not get back in shape, once i'm feeling better.
seriously though, i'm reaching here, i'd love to start feeling better now!
*insert powerful bible verse here; preferably one that reminds me of how i'm fearfully and wonderfully made or even about patience. please, someone, anyone, cause honestly,,,i'm over it - hahhaahh!! (wait, not over the bible verses, just over feeling this way - sick of feeling like poo ) *
between the tiredness i feel simply due to pregnancy but also the extra weight of carring around tree trunks + the concern with my heart, i've been doing some thinking. i'm eating crazy amounts of mac n cheese. the waffles? yeah, they make me feel fuller for longer but their just simply isn't very much nutritional value there. yes, i drink a TON of water but i also indulge in a pitcher of kool-aid about once a month too.
my heart health can't be too great with my sudden lack of exercise and i know for sure i don't feel too good most of the time. thinking back on when i felt my best, i was on a very strict vegan raw food diet. to say that i felt great back then is an understatement. why did i stop you ask? because i have been known to be an all or nothing gal. it was winter and i wanted soup,,,so i went off the strict diet and only looked back a few times, each time though - with fondness.
as so begins my journey. instead of asking for a new fancy fun kitchen trash can for my birthday, i'm asking for a new fancy fun food processor for my birthday. i have been reading as much info that i can find on eating vegan and raw foods properly during pregnancy and for during breastfeeding. also, what does this look like nutritionally for my children? i am coming up with some good info but i must also say and here is what i think is important for me to remember...it doesn't have to be all or nothing.
my plan is to do breakfast, most lunches and snack as vegan and raw as i can/want to for myself. for the rest of the family, my husband and i have decided one dinner a week will be replaced with a vegan raw food meal . it's a good start. it's feels like a healthy start for us. not everyone in the family may like it. not everyone in the family may take to it well in their body chemistry - this isn't the proper way for everyone to eat and i am planning to watch closely how my children are effected by it.
as for these tree trunks i'm lugging around? this past week i wanted to walk a mile at least once every day. i did monday & tuesday with much success! =D wednesday i woke up feeling tired and fatigued so i did not push it. *i will always listen to my body* thursday, friday and saturday i was busy - busy - busy and in all honestly, i have to pace myself. walking a mile out of the blue while carring a suddenly large amount of weight is really a big deal. at least it feels like it to me. i am happy even if i was successful to do it 2 days out of 7 this week. it's two more days this week then i did last week.
about my weight. i am not and never have been a numbers gal. maybe because my weight was never an issue for me. probably because i'd rather go by how i feel. that number isn't telling me anything about myself that i don't already know, just by how i feel. i've though about using a tape measure and counting inches lost. i've even thought about purchasing a scale, but really? i have a feeling that i would start being more concerned with those numbers and less concerned with how i feel. that just doesn't sound like what i'm shooting for.
all that said, our baby is healthy and loves to lay horizontally low (yup, on top of my bladder) or on my right side. laying on my right side may just be the reason for all the ingout...? my new favorite thing to eat is ice and this blog post is loooong enough =D no, i don't feel caught up but i will try to do better with catching up and staying up to date, especially since i want to log more closely with my journey to a healthier me :)
"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body," 1 Cor. 6:19-20
Monday, October 8, 2012
hello ol' friend! it's been long since i've last visited. i didn't mean to leave for such a lengthy period of time. their is just so many venues for me to log our family's going's on.
like an art journal...
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
So while all the kiddos were splashing about in our puddle pool, i got to sit undisturbed for quite a while reading my bible. Not to worry, i was sitting poolside within an arms reach of all the kids =)
After a nice while, two of the smalls had to take potty breaks. So out of the water with everyone and up to the top of the hill to play. That way i could be sure no one would be tempted back into the water while i was inside for a few minutes.
A quick potty break and back to the fun, when i notice my old, most favorite bible, most of genesis & exodus lose with age, blown apart and throughout three different yards! My stomach in my feet and my heart in my throat - i had no idea which pages to chase after first.
"Children!" I shouted. "My bible! Please help me!" It was all i could think of and of course the wind kept blowing and the kids just stood there, blank faced and starring. "Please! Help me find all the pages!"
"Why is your bible like that?"
"Where should we start?"
"Just get another bible."
All questions and no action. I. am. frantic.
Running - chasing - gulping back tears - grabbing pages - genesis here - exodus there - wait, did Leviticus also blow away?
It wasn't until i started chasing my precious pages around throughout my yard and the neighbors that the children started to help. Reminding them of the mostly invisible boundary lines separating front and back yards, i run for the front as i see the table of contents snagging across the street. Checking to be sure no one was following me, i cross to gather more of genesis from tall meadow grass.
checking books and chapters and verses to see what i have, and what is missing, i hear peter, paul and mary singing in my head ' - the answers, my friend, are blowing in the wind, the answers are blowing in the wind-'
i was reminded of a man (whose name has escaped me) long ago imprisoned for his faith in God, and made to read political propaganda. a lot of time had past for that man and still he clung to God, wondering if he was to rot in prison and be abused for his faith, for the rest of his life. one day he prayed for God to show him if He was real or he would submit to his captors. soon after that prayer the man was cleaning out the latrine and what does he find? pages of the bible, used as toilet paper. the man asks to clean the latrine every day so that he can continue to collect the pages, soiled from the latrine, but precious tokens of love from the God who never left or forsake him. i was reminded of countless men and women who are in countries where the bible is illegal - what would they give to get their hands on just one of these page? i was reminded of a man in India who doesn't even know how to read, let alone even read in english, but has one page of this precious book and kisses it daily.
i hear the little girls voice in my head, "why not just get another bible? i saw two others in your living room," and my heart is shattered?
...by my own selfishness of my need for this bible. would i be willing that these pages might blow to someone who might need them more then i? shattered by all the times i sit and do something other then read my bible - the very answers to all of life's questions, now literally blowing in the wind. how often do i talk about helping others get these very words into their hands and my words fall from my tongue, with hardly any action on my own part.
all pages brought to me, and children playing at the top of the hill, i sit and start to figuring out what i have and what is still missing. the small girl who asked about "just using another bible" sits next to me.
"you write in your bible?" she asks picking up pages.
i show her my notes in the margins and tell her about the birthday that i received this bible. i tell her how this bible has been with me from the beginning of me walk with the Lord. with me when i lived in my car while traveling. with me while going to school both far away and right here in town. with me countless nights when i fell asleep with it on my chest, some nights sad with grief and some nights happy and full of life, but in all times, it helped me rest in God's pure joy. that yes this bible was very sentimental to me. yes, i loved it more then any other bible i owned.
but yes - she was right. a bible, is a bible.
that really it wasn't the sentimental life experiences i wrote in the margins. or the references on the inside cover that were a quick help in certain times of need, that i should be sad to loose, but that it was The Words of God. any bible, all bibles, should be treasured, but that our relationship with the Lord should be an even greater treasure.
i wondered, do i chase after God the way i chased after His words? do i set aside time to court Him in quiet communion? chase after Him personally? hmmmm...
she and i sift through genesis, exodus and leviticus finding all the pages. we talk about what a special gift from God i received today in losing my bible, and getting it all back again. if only to remember how important it was to me - to others. that no, my notes in my bible weren't the most important thing, but that the words of the Lord are. while yes, my words in the margins were sort of like a journal of my walk with the Lord. and yes, it is okay to have that and feel attached to this particular bible because of them. we talked about how important the bible was without my notes in the margins. i told her it was a special gift to me to have her help me put God's words back together again and to share my bible with her.
"wasn't it funny that we were chasing genesis?" she asked?
"that we were chasing the answers?" i asked her? we both nod and continue to fill my bible up, with all the pages, in proper order.
FOR MORE INFORMATION ON HOW YOU CAN HELP GET BIBLES TO THOSE WHO MAY WANT ONE, HERE ARE A FEW SITES THAT CAN HELP YOU, TO HELP OTHERS =)
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
<p>Okay, so mothering is some serious, hard work. Really, it's my dream job, but honestly, i thought it would be a breeze. I know, very nieave of me!
It takes diligence, perseverance, patience, consistence, self control; all of which, sadly, i lack. and that steadfast deep desire for our children to do & have & be better then us - not necessarily a good thing all the time - in fact, in can produce, in me personally, a hyper critical monster. I'm just being super honest here - after all, this a confessional blog and i might as well admit - or confess: it's simply not a cake walk or even a joy every single day.
I fail more times then i'd like to admit. More times then i thought was humanly possible, but then again, i'm learning that i am merely human. We all are. And praise God our children are so quick to forgive a humbled parent. To sit and pray with a momma when she ask, so that their may just be, two or more.
So all this to say, that while i struggle with my own weaknesses and failures, i know that God is Bigger then all of them. That He is healer, Comforter and Rebuilder. That when i am weak, it's then that i can be The Strongest. as long as i run to Him and not remain in myself, sitting in my weakness and sulking.
I have a ton a "blog catching up" that i'd like to do but here is where it may get tricky, my itty bitty baby netbook died! RIP good friend! So here is my first post using an app from my phone - i hope it works!! I wish i could see a good preview of this prior to actually posting it but i'm not sure that i'll be able to. And so goes the practice of patience and perseverance and submitting myself to whatever the Lord has in mind for me. Be it with a netbook or without, with a hot water heater or without, with a car that starts easy every time or without - yes! All in one week - during staycation! Lol!! We are praising God though, but seriously? Only after several days of horrible gripping.
May you be resting in the hands of Almighty God today, no matter what your walking through. You are Loved!
2 corinthians 11:9-10 but He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore i will boast all the more gladly about my weakesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why for Christ's sake, i delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when i am weak, then i am strong.