where to start...first off let me start by that saying i am thankful! thankful for the blessing of being able to carry another human being inside my own. thankful for the children i have. thankful that i can walk. thankful that i have food in my kitchen. thankful that i have food in my belly. thankful that i have a loving carring husband who can and does pick up my slack. thankful for friends and family who stand by my side and help me both physically and mentally...or should i say hormonally =) i have a lot to be thankful for and i try very hard not to loose sight of any of it, especially knowing it could all be taken away with the blink of an eye. you just never know...
okay, now that i've shown you that side of my coin, could i just take a moment and flip it over to show you the other side? to just vent a little bit?
let me start by asking, "what the heck happened to my body?!?" i know - i know, i'm pregnant and these things happen yada-yada-yada...but seriously...? what the heck happened!?!
here's a quick run down on what has been going on for the last 29 weeks.
i have HG, otherwise known as Hyperemesis gravidarum. in other words - morning, noon and night sickness ( throwing up ) during pregnancy. it effects 1% of pregnant women, i fall into that 1%. however, this pregnancy hasn't been as hard as with mikey's and gracie's pregnancies - praise the Lord! so far i haven't been hospitalized for dehydration ( yaay!! ) and at about 27 weeks i've been able to keep most foods down =) being that sick for so long has led me to laying around on the couch or in bed for a great big part of this pregnancy.
generally speaking i love to be active! running, swimming, hiking, biking, if it's happening, i'm all in! my body has done some crazy things before but this? this is a new crazy, and i don't like it, not one bit.
thankful that my HG has calmed down a great deal i am now dealing with strange passing out and racing heart spurts. the passing out is kind of annoying because...well ... as it was described to me by my nurse: passing out is your body's way of going on auto pilot - you loose control of your body and the primal body takes over. think about that one for a moment...loose control of your body...this is not good if you have a full bladder and a baby laying on top of it...yup - you loose control of your bladder. as if passing out in front of anyone isn't bad enough, now imagine doing so and wetting yourself on top of that. yup - talk about humbling experiences...
i have had my heart checked by e.k.g. and a 24 hour heart monitor and nothing was found. i had blood taken and my thyroid checked and everything came up fine - thank you Lord! although i gotta say, i really was hoping for answers and a way to avoid this happening anymore.
the positive here is that i have warning signs i can pay attention to to keep from completely blacking out, or as i like to call it, whiting out. first i get hot - very quickly, out of the blue. second i start to sweat all over my face and back and eeew - gross! third, my vision starts to go white ( white out ) the more and more my vision gets foggy white, the closer i am to hitting the floor. since i have learned this about myself i've also learned that i can lay down - right away - on my left side to prevent my body from "switching to auto pilot" and therefore not pass out. however, i do look quite silly in the middle of anywhere i am laying, on the floor. yes. this even means the cracker isle of the local grocery food store - hahhaahh!! clean up in isle 12!
all this adds up to where i am today, and really, the answer to my question of "what the heck happened to my body." i have been either too sick to eat, too sick to get off the couch, or so happy to be able to keep food down that i am eating everything in sight. and/or off somewhere strange laying down on my left side - hahhaahh!! gaining weight in strange places!! yes i have a baby belly - i don't mind that. i don't even mind too much the strange shape my face and upper arms take on when i'm pregnant. can i just say though, lifting my legs to walk feels a little like lifting tree trunks with each step. i know, i know, it's all part of the process and really, i'm good for it! i know i'll get back into shape. i love to run and swim laps too much to not get back in shape, once i'm feeling better.
seriously though, i'm reaching here, i'd love to start feeling better now!
*insert powerful bible verse here; preferably one that reminds me of how i'm fearfully and wonderfully made or even about patience. please, someone, anyone, cause honestly,,,i'm over it - hahhaahh!! (wait, not over the bible verses, just over feeling this way - sick of feeling like poo ) *
between the tiredness i feel simply due to pregnancy but also the extra weight of carring around tree trunks + the concern with my heart, i've been doing some thinking. i'm eating crazy amounts of mac n cheese. the waffles? yeah, they make me feel fuller for longer but their just simply isn't very much nutritional value there. yes, i drink a TON of water but i also indulge in a pitcher of kool-aid about once a month too.
my heart health can't be too great with my sudden lack of exercise and i know for sure i don't feel too good most of the time. thinking back on when i felt my best, i was on a very strict vegan raw food diet. to say that i felt great back then is an understatement. why did i stop you ask? because i have been known to be an all or nothing gal. it was winter and i wanted soup,,,so i went off the strict diet and only looked back a few times, each time though - with fondness.
as so begins my journey. instead of asking for a new fancy fun kitchen trash can for my birthday, i'm asking for a new fancy fun food processor for my birthday. i have been reading as much info that i can find on eating vegan and raw foods properly during pregnancy and for during breastfeeding. also, what does this look like nutritionally for my children? i am coming up with some good info but i must also say and here is what i think is important for me to remember...it doesn't have to be all or nothing.
my plan is to do breakfast, most lunches and snack as vegan and raw as i can/want to for myself. for the rest of the family, my husband and i have decided one dinner a week will be replaced with a vegan raw food meal . it's a good start. it's feels like a healthy start for us. not everyone in the family may like it. not everyone in the family may take to it well in their body chemistry - this isn't the proper way for everyone to eat and i am planning to watch closely how my children are effected by it.
as for these tree trunks i'm lugging around? this past week i wanted to walk a mile at least once every day. i did monday & tuesday with much success! =D wednesday i woke up feeling tired and fatigued so i did not push it. *i will always listen to my body* thursday, friday and saturday i was busy - busy - busy and in all honestly, i have to pace myself. walking a mile out of the blue while carring a suddenly large amount of weight is really a big deal. at least it feels like it to me. i am happy even if i was successful to do it 2 days out of 7 this week. it's two more days this week then i did last week.
about my weight. i am not and never have been a numbers gal. maybe because my weight was never an issue for me. probably because i'd rather go by how i feel. that number isn't telling me anything about myself that i don't already know, just by how i feel. i've though about using a tape measure and counting inches lost. i've even thought about purchasing a scale, but really? i have a feeling that i would start being more concerned with those numbers and less concerned with how i feel. that just doesn't sound like what i'm shooting for.
all that said, our baby is healthy and loves to lay horizontally low (yup, on top of my bladder) or on my right side. laying on my right side may just be the reason for all the ingout...? my new favorite thing to eat is ice and this blog post is loooong enough =D no, i don't feel caught up but i will try to do better with catching up and staying up to date, especially since i want to log more closely with my journey to a healthier me :)
"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body," 1 Cor. 6:19-20