Tuesday, February 15, 2011

so i have these callus'...

   on the bottom of each foot i have a callus. they run vertically separating the right side of the ball of my foot from the left. i am a barefoot walker. almost always. i feel them when i walk in the drive way, through the kitchen, down the hall and when i'm standing in front of  the mirror in the bathroom on the cold tile. they hurt. i've tried to file them and that hurts too.   i used to be a dancer. i danced a lot. in the evenings i helped at the dance studio that i grew up taking lessons in. i assisted the wonderful teacher ~ she was one of the few people i had consistently in my life as i grew up. i stretched and warmed dancers up for ballet, tap and jazz. i demonstrated for all three styles and even taught some jazz of my own. i loved it!!!
  when i started dancing i had flat feet. i didn't know it though. i didn't know that my mom teased me about my wet foot prints on the drive way or in the sand at the beach, because my feet were flat, i thought it was because they were gigantic ~ and they are huge for my body size. i found out my feet were flat when my dance teacher, mrs. horn, commented on how i suddenly had arches. they didn't just arrive. they came from countless nights of dancing w/ her and the other kids in her studio.
  these calluses are not from dancing. no. these calluses are from not dancing. i developed these calluses from not pointing my toes and not stretching my feet the way they would be stretched when i am dancing. 
 when i first noticed them i got angry at my self. you see i stopt dancing at the studio when i was very sick and pregnant w/ my son. he is four years and three months old. at that time i no longer had the energy to stand, let alone dance. i just simply stopt.
   my calluses hurt and i curse them inside my head. these reminders of another thing i no longer do 'cuz i've given up a lot to be a mommy.    ...given up a lot ...as a child, all i wanted to do was dance and be a mommy. ...dance...
  i sure did dance a lot. 
  i dance now too.  in fact, i dance more now. i dance every night while cooking dinner, while praising Jesus, while cleaning the kitchen, while playing outside and playing in. i dance in the driveway, through the kitchen, down the hall and while in the bathroom in front of the mirror on the cold tile. in fact, come to think of it. these calluses remind me of a time, when as a young dancer i dreamed to one day be a mommy. to one day be dancing with  kiddos while cooking dinner, cleaning the kitchen, playing outside and in. i dreamed of dancing with my kiddos in the driveway, through the kitchen down the halls and in front of mirrors in the bathroom on cold tile.
  so i have these calluses on the bottom of my feet. they used to hurt. a lot. but now they remind me, that i grew up to be exactly what i always wanted to be.

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